you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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