John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ugly people sure do ruin things
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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