I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
