I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
