Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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