Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
