I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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