Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
