Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
