I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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