Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
