Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
