my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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