made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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