I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
