Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
