my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
