The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just had sex bonerless
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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