My first STD was from a foam party
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
