Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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