I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
