I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
