get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
