Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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