i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
