you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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