i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
