Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
