there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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