Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
