i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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