I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
