I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
