remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
