i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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