Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
