found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
