i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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