Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
