An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
time to smoke my breakfast
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
