i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
