there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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