I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
