So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
