Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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