Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he shaved USA in his pubs
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
