Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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