so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
