oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
