i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
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