he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
