Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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