I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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