so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
