The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
