Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
