that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
